when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ketchup is God's man juice
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
