you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
