ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have post one night stand depression
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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