I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
