I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.