A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
