Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.