I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.