I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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