I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dear god my vagina.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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