I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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