I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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