my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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