You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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