Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
