Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
