Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
