I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hippo gnu deer
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You pole danced in your parka.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The dick lei will go down in squad history