whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.