i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?