kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
