You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
