So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
