bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can't turn off my feet"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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