I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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