They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize