It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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