is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I deserve this hangover.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
