I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
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I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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