Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize