god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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