I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
