two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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