Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
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I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize