I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
