Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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