I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
