can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
