she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
