I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
