Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
