Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
