I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
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I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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