How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
