Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
