She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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