Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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