FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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