You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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