The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
