and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
