Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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