Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
