I accidentally had phone sex last night
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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