please come you make the beer taste better
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
