I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
