What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
