i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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