I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
