I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
