Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I touched a dick in church today
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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