i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
