I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
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If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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