I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
