I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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