somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
