I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
