So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
