Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
