I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
