New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
