So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
