Plan B is the new Plan A
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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