you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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