I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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