I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
