i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
