I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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