one two three fourrrrnication!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Come on in and take your pants off
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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