Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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