it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
