Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
