Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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