I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
