one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
