Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
