On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There r osticjed everywhere
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
