so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
